When my insecurities are engaged, I feel one of three recognisable emotions; frustration, anger, or sadness.

To lack security is to be under threat.

My identity is the things about myself I want to be true.

I want to be an intelligent, competent adult who is good at football.

When I feel my identity is threatened, I get emotional. This is insecurity.

I have become quite good at recognising the emotion when it arises. Unfortunately most of the time I am unable hide it.

For example, there are some subjects I have tried to understand.

When someone provides knowledge contrary to that understanding, my identity as someone intelligent feels threatened.

I feel myself panic, as my brain scrambles to squash and collapse the contrary knowledge.

My tone becomes argumentative, and I claim to know more than I do.

The knowledge is not squashed and I am left frustrated.

I am stuck in this frustration until I forgive myself.

That I am still a full person, my identity is intact.

Otherwise, I would stay frustrated.

In forgiving myself, I can apologise to the person whose knowledge I tried to collapse.

I feel sad, and vow to be less insecure.

But soon, I am sensitive again, maintaining and reinforcing the boundaries of my identity.

Although this is generally the cycle, I have managed to break it.

On one occasion, I felt threatened and noticed my emotion rise.

But, instead of becoming defensive, I was celebratory, and inquisitive.

Then, what they offered became theirs, nothing to do with me, unthreatening.

Not knowledge which could topple and destabilise my own, but knowledge I could incorporate.

And instead of having to apologise, I had a moment of connection.